DIY Zombie Kills: Up Close and Personal Combat in the Zombie Apocalypse

What do you do when you run out of ammo and there are no more guns to take down the drooling walkers of the apocalypse? You have to stay alive, so you fall back a couple of centuries, and use blades and impact weapons -- with proper precautions, splatter can be an irony.

Blades

First thing's first: Kitchen implements and woodworking tools will be poor choices. You see, a blade that is meant to cut is likely to get stuck. Ever felled a tree, had the blade get stuck and have to wiggle it out? Do you want that happening when you're hand-to-gory stub with the zombie hordes? And cheap, "surplus" machetes are even worse. Not only will they stick, but the low-grade stamped steel blades will bend.



You want a real-deal hand weapon, or tool that can work as a weapon, meant to chop and crush, not smoothly slice, not unless it has some horsepower and leverage behind it.


A chopper is something like the Hardcore Hardware tomahawk. With an aggressive edge, and a spike on the back end, it will open doors, break windows, even bust through cinder block walls to make firing ports. Made of super-tough D2 steel, it won't weigh you down while serving you well. If you need more of a tool and less of a weapon, their Rhino works wonders at opening locks, among other things.


If you want a blade, then talk to the guys at Zombie Tools. They sent me their Apocatana, and it slices like nobody's business. I really don't think it would get stuck, slicing the top off of a zom's skull, but if it does, you've got three feet of leverage to get it free, and can even walk it out, running on an angle.

As much as love a big Bowie knife, with zombies I'm not interested in creating sliced wounds. Zombies don't bleed to death, they're already undead.


Impact

A sledgehammer, you say? Do you need that much force, and how fast can you swing it? And when it comes to swinging, how long can you keep at it? No, you need something more agile. A roofing hammer? Just how long are your arms?

The perfect item might just be a police riot baton, 4 feet of hickory. However those might be a bit difficult to find, so let's just jump right to the default tool, the ubiquitous baseball bat. As a traditionalist, I would be tempted to go with a classic American ash bat. But I would not want St. Peter to be noting my box score at the pearly gates as a "broken bat single" after the hordes overcame me.

No, I'll get an up-to-date aluminum bat. It won't break, the distinctive "ping" will let my friends know where I am and what I'm doing, and if I have to abandon it, there will be another in the next block. Plus, it will shrug off any disinfectant you care to use, up to and including burning alcohol.

Knives are for slicing rope, shredding fire-starter and cutting food. Once the apocalypse has come upon us, we'll need bigger blades for the serious work.

Don't forget the facemask or respirator. Viral plagues are no joke, and splatter can ruin your day.

What's your ultimate instrument of zombie splatter?

Recommended for You

Introduced at the 2014 NRA Show, Blackhawk Folding Back-Up Sights were developed from the

First Look: Blackhawk Folding Back-Up Sights

G&A Online Editors - May 06, 2014

Introduced at the 2014 NRA Show, Blackhawk Folding Back-Up Sights were developed from the

The new Nikon MONARCH M5 provides long-range hunting excellence. Optics

The New Nikon MONARCH M5

Tom Beckstrand - May 28, 2019

The new Nikon MONARCH M5 provides long-range hunting excellence.

The Breach is FLIR's most compact thermal-imaging monocular. Optics

The FLIR Breach PTQ136

Chris Mudgett - May 22, 2019

The Breach is FLIR's most compact thermal-imaging monocular.

See More Recommendations

Popular Videos

Hornady 6MM Creedmoor

Hornady 6MM Creedmoor

Tom Beckstrand and Neal Emery of Hornady highlight the 6MM Creedmoor ammo.

Gun Clips with Joe Mantegna - 94 WINCHESTER

Gun Clips with Joe Mantegna - 94 WINCHESTER

Joe Mantegna talks about the origins of the 94 Winchester rifle.

Century Arms Introduces a Heavy-Duty AK Rifle

Century Arms Introduces a Heavy-Duty AK Rifle

Chambered in 7.62x39mm with components machined from extremely durable S7 tool steel, a chrome-moly 4150 barrel and a carburized 4140 steel bolt.

See more Popular Videos

Trending Stories

Here's the latest competitive intel on the what are the top ARs in 3-Gun today and why. Rifles

The Top ARs in 3-Gun Competition Shooting Today

James Tarr - May 14, 2019

Here's the latest competitive intel on the what are the top ARs in 3-Gun today and why.

The Browning X-Bolt Hell's Canyon Speed Long Range McMillan is arguably the best production-grade precision hunting rifle available. Rifles

Review: Browning X-Bolt Hell's Canyon Speed Long Range McMillan

Joseph von Benedikt - March 25, 2019

The Browning X-Bolt Hell's Canyon Speed Long Range McMillan is arguably the best...

Crossbreed's new The Reckoning holster is a simple leather-Kydex combination with multiple points of retention adjustment and clip options. Accessories

Crossbreed's The Reckoning Holster

Eric R. Poole - May 13, 2019

Crossbreed's new The Reckoning holster is a simple leather-Kydex combination with multiple...

See More Stories

More Handgun

The most challenging objective given to Jason Hornady was to win an FBI contract. That just happened. Handgun

The Story Behind The FBI's New Duty Load

Eric R. Poole - October 17, 2018

The most challenging objective given to Jason Hornady was to win an FBI contract. That just...



It was a novel idea. Invite shooters of different disciplines and expose them to one another's Handgun

Aguila Cup - A Tournament That Elevates a Brand'™s Image

Eric R. Poole - June 29, 2018

It was a novel idea. Invite shooters of different disciplines and expose them to one...

NovX cases are constructed of a stainless steel body and an aluminum rim/primer pocket. Handgun

NovX Lightweight Ammunition

Patrick Sweeney - June 05, 2018

NovX cases are constructed of a stainless steel body and an aluminum rim/primer pocket.

See More Handgun

GET THE MAGAZINE Subscribe & Save

Temporary Price Reduction

SUBSCRIBE NOW

Give a Gift   |   Subscriber Services

PREVIEW THIS MONTH'S ISSUE

GET THE NEWSLETTER Join the List and Never Miss a Thing.

×