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Caption Contest: Hell on Wheels

by G&A Staff  |  July 11th, 2012 266

With the 2012 Olympics right around the corner, this week’s G&A Caption Contest features the crack commando team in charge of security at the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. Caption this photo before Sunday, July 15 to win!

This Week's Photo
Caption Contest: Hell on Wheels

The Winning Caption:

Ideas like this are what occurs when people from "Guns & Ammo," "Speed Magazine" and "Popular Mechanics" sit down and talk.

The Prize:

Allen Flat-Bottom Duffle Bag

With a 3,400 cubic inch capacity, this heavy duty duffle in Oak Brush Green is perfect for any outdoorsman. For more, check out Allen Company!

  • SamF1911

    We are the Borg. Surrender your weapons. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile…

  • Aunt Betty

    Ready. Aim. Segway!!

  • JamesWalkiewicz

    No matter how much speed and firepower the commando team has, all it takes to stop them in their tracks is a curb.

  • JamesWalkiewicz

    Ideas like this are what occurs when people from "Guns & Ammo," "Speed Magazine" and "Popular Mechanics" sit down and talk.

    • dylan_polk


      Congratulations! You're the winner.

      Email me at with your address and contact information to receive your prize.


      Dylan Polk
      G&A Online Editorial Assistant

  • JamesWalkiewicz

    China added a new event to the Olympics in 2008 where contestants race around the track on Segways while shooting at targets. Points are awarded for how many targets they hit and for how long it takes to complete the race.

  • Scott

    They see me rolling, they be ducking.

  • RalphsAuto Sales

    Geek Squad on Steroids.

  • JJ Coyle

    Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Dont mess with his mall!!

  • jeff

    resistance is futile

  • aephotose

    "See Bob, I told you…there's just no way to look cool like this…"

  • TJones

    japans new geek army theyre smart and dangerous

  • Brian

    Hurry up and shoot this guy so we can pee.

  • Steve Lupton

    If you don't tell us where the restroom is, we're going to shoot!

  • Scott Sica

    Segway TAC force, Charge!

  • Windwalker

    Who told us to wear yellow start yelling "QUACK!" and drive back and forth and the corner crosswalk?

  • espeaks4u

    Aiming for the gold !!!

  • Anthony Rochon

    In the future, Chinese swat members will not have feet, and will have tiny guns to match their tiny _____!

  • Jens Hogh

    The shellfish at the swat team "all you can eat buffet" should obviously have been refrigerated. The raw deal resulted in a desperate race for the restrooms. VERY desperate indeed.

  • Paul Schley

    Okay, geeze I won't part here then.

  • Paul Schley

    Okay geeze, I won't park here then.

  • lane gentry

    21st reg, 98th detachment lazy ass numbnut squad

  • Carney

    Why does our police force look like an alien military?

  • @KnuckleheadSpi

    Portable Police with Peashooters

  • Jeffrey Priest

    S.W.A.T. Segway Weapon Assault Team.

  • dwshel007

    Wozniak's personal Tech Support/Death Squad takes to the streets in search of his missing iPhone.

  • Charlie

    There should be laws against 'Tactics while Diving'

  • Eddie Wagoner

    Tin can alley.

  • joshua lyle

    Geek Squad squad rushes

  • Marc Necatera

    Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'….keep the police state Rollin'………………..

    • Mike K. Calgary

      Hey Marc, Sorry, I didn't see your comment before I posted mine. Otherwise, it wouldn't have happened. I guess that old adage is true. "Great minds think alike". ( Or is it "Fools seldem differ?" I always get them mixed up!) "May your aim be true and…blah! blah! blah! Cheers, and I hope you win. MK

  • Bob

    Damn budget cuts!!

  • P95smiles


  • Jaime Ruiz

    Lookout Godzilla!
    Lookout Robocop!

  • Clinton Phillips

    Segway soldiers…. The cavalry of the future!

  • Kevin A

    Segway Swat Team (S.S.T)

  • 2 cool 4 school

    and now….the finals of the team synchronized mall security

  • Cyrus Douglas


  • Billy hurst

    JJohnny 5…. is alive!

  • shelleyshay

    They see me rollin'. They be hatin'.

  • Dr.Love

    Captured above is the Chinese Commando's segue into the 21st century

  • shelleyshay

    And this, boys and girls, explains how the nation of China fell during the Zombie Apocalypse.

  • Stephen Malm

    The Segway "Military Limited Edition" has two speeds: F (Forward) and R (Recoil).

  • Edge

    The sad early days of the Robocop program

  • mossyberg

    Gotta pee gotta pee…….Well by the looks im not the only one.

  • @StiffShots

    The Army debuts their new all-terrain vehicles – provided, of course, "terrain" is defined as "the parking lot at Walmart."

  • Jordan

    Finally, the geeks rose up. The bullies saw it coming, but couldn't believe their eyes.

  • shane

    World record segway/thriller rendetion

  • turtle0313

    I knew they would ruin the Robocop reboot with low budget tricks!

  • Isaac

    Don't worry.. I got this.

  • Brad Stensland

    Light-Mechanized-Assault-Offensive….a.k.a. LMAO!

  • Diana


  • Chris brizzown

    Kid: The army would be the perfect career if it weren't for all the marching.


  • Chris Brizzown

    Mr. President, the french are invading!

  • Gene

    "Did Guanglie HAVE to cut the Mengshis out of the budget this year?"

  • chris brizzown

    ALRIGHT troops!!! Let's just hope they don't have a series of stairs! Otherwise we'll end up looking completely ridiculous.

    • DJL


  • Chris Brizzown

    John Conor: Mom, I told you that termanator was just being a complete drama queen. Sky Net wasn't nearly as advanced as he made them out to be.

  • Randy

    Barry's new Storm Troopers.

  • elaine hunter

    they're coming to take you away, ha ha

  • Norman Curtner

    Mall cops gone wild !

  • jc

    The Nerds
    Are Taking Over

  • pixiedust80

    I cant wait for this exercise to be over. I have to poop!

  • Chris Brizzown

    . . . Bringing terrorists to justice all in the name of LIBERTY! . . . As long at they don't run up that flight of stairsjust ahead.

  • detroitheat

    The 21st Century, Swat team NUT Cracker. ( Please do not hit any POT HOLES )

  • Jay

    Segway or My Way!

  • Israel Mcbagel

    Roll-y Polli-z

  • Sgt. Cliff Christ

    We are gaining on the Prius

  • sean roberts

    THIS JUST IN…BREAKING NEWS… japan is no longer a threat!

  • sean roberts

    Godzilla finds it much harder to stomp on moving targets………

  • sean roberts

    Todays news.. straight from Japan …………….. just forget it, its not worth reporting.

  • luis santana

    Revenge of the nerds 5
    Hell…on WHEELS!

  • sean roberts

    A new way to defeat the enemy……….laughter.

  • Luis Santana

    The army in a gas crisis.

  • Kurt Kensy

    Seg Wars: China Strikes Back

  • Sonof Gir

    An artist's interpretation of how UBL described an easy target.

  • Eric Olsen

    Proof that no amount of ammo could make a person look cool on a Segway.

  • @mark_cuss

    … and suddenly it became clear to Jian Xu why there wasn't a physical component in the application process.

  • @mark_cuss

    The Allen Flat-Bottom Duffle Bag will go great with my paedophilia.

  • drhiggins90

    TSA JOBS! Outsorced to China and coming to a mall near YOU!

  • Ray J

    Did I leave the coffee pot on?

  • jnwin

    Attack of the Chinese Mall Cops!!!

  • Intrinsic

    Sir. Give us back the pizza!

  • jnwin

    Crouching Mall Cop, Hidden Segway

  • jnwin

    New Olympic sport, land based ski shooting. Seg Shooting.

  • Snark

    I'm gonna shoot the guy who gave The Dear Leader a copy of Robocop.

  • SAMMY!


  • Michael Marcucci

    Foreign SWAT Team Rides into the 21st Centry

  • Christine C.

    Mall Cop training to the extreme!!!

  • Cupless

    SPEED BUMP!!!!!!!!!!!

  • JamesWalkiewicz

    Since we are already in the squatting position, Segway should make a toilet attachment so we can take care of business while we are taking caring of business.

  • JamesWalkiewicz

    Pictured here are cyborgs which was Skynet's first attempt at creating a terminator. Due to the fact that they couldn't climb stairs and were made in China, they were a complete failure and were replaced.

  • JamesWalkiewicz

    If you don't die from their bullets, you will surely die from laughing too hard at them.

    • Andrew

      Don't call me Shirley.

  • JamesWalkiewicz

    I finally understand why they are called SWAT. Squatting While Attacking Targets.

  • Jimmie

    Do to the concessions made in the new UN small arms treaty, armies of the world will now have to show their commitment to being more environmentally responsible and show a smaller carbon footprint on future battlefields.

  • Bob Fife

    Scranton Police utilizing their new budget friendly patrol vehicles.

  • DDrop

    Everybody ready??? Flying V formation

  • Snark

    North Korea showcases its new Drone program.

  • Snorky

    "Drop the Kung Pao and nobody gets hurt!"

  • George

    OBAMACARE is here, the IRS is coming!

  • Shambo

    That's what you get for buying guns in the smurf village!

  • Rafael

    Does this Segway make me look like I have to pee?

    • Robert Keith Ando


  • @skraeling

    Bill Gates warned you to be nice to the nerds. You reap what you sow.

  • @skraeling

    "They see me roll on,
    my Segway,
    I know in my heart they think I'm white and nerdy…"

  • Santos Davila

    皮尤吃香 (pew pew pew…according to Google Translation)

  • Nathan


    • Nathan

      Sorry ment The Great Wall Of Segway! :P

  • Randy Miller

    Guys, hands on the wheel! 10 and 2! Never shoot from a moving vehicle, that's a ticket for each of you.

  • Curt

    "Flash mob me, one more time."

  • Denney

    While the Olympics lasted 17 days, the Chinese made Segway knockoffs only lasted 17 hours.

  • Phil

    No wonder they lost WW2

  • RVJ

    Segway Sweeper Team!

  • was

    "no reverse…. hmm i got an idea!"

  • Corey

    Choa Sung in horror, realized he had brought the wrong gun!! This was the iron sight parade!

  • Kevin Olexa

    ‎"We will find you Dr Who, and when we do…."

  • Stephen Malm

    The security force was humiliated by Kim Jung Un's practice of using them as his personal "Call of Duty" game.

  • Stephen Malm

    The Elite Attack Squadron members were allowed to trade-in their tactical Big Wheel for the new Segway, but retained their knee pads for groveling to the top brass.

  • Stephen Malm

    The soldiers braced themselves for the ninja attack – they couldn't see them, but they could hear them laughing.

  • mxmech

    Segway's = $35,000, Mini Assault Rifle's = $6000, Losing a bet to the commander = Priceless

  • Tom

    Hover Round Police

  • Stephen Malm

    The Chinese team took gold, silver and bronze in the 800 meter butt-clench.

  • Stephen Malm

    Thanks to the mobile commando team, not a single zombie incident was reported during the Beijing Olympics.

  • Kevin Smith

    America's bad ideas are out-sourced for a reason.

  • docroy2

    Honest Dear, they promised the swelling would go down after the Olympics!

  • Edward Bleistein

    When we roll,' we roll ready !
    This is the way we roll we roll this is the way we roll !

  • David

    That's right, we're bad! Hey, I'm not kidding, Really!! No fooling, we're bad!! Really!! Really!!

  • Chris Viljoen

    The guy at the back is gonna be the first one on his arse when the action starts.

  • Stephen Malm

    General Tso's Chicken brigade were trained to deliver head-shots while on the move to keep the poultry intact.

  • Stephen Malm

    The Chinese army's use of cheap, counterfeit Segway's resulted in what is now referred to as "The Incident".

  • craig grindle

    stop laughing or we will shoot. beep beep

  • chris

    Wait Paul Blart is the president?

  • Nosfer6

    Weebles wobble but they do fall down, right after they pull the trigger!

  • Mack Missiletoe

    Revenge of the Nerds 2012

  • Mack Missiletoe

    Say Cheese and Die!

  • Mack Missiletoe

    Midlife Crisis Pro

  • Mike K. Calgary

    Rollin, Rollin, Rollin. Keep them Commies Rollin. Wawhiiiiiide…………

    • Mike K. Calgary

      Or maybe "Chaffedhiiiiide".

  • Mack Missiletoe

    "…just don't show this pic to my wife, okay? She gave me dirty looks after that last mission with the Leopard-print underwear and pink fuzzy handcuffs."

  • Mack Missiletoe

    "If this pic gets published I'm changing my name again …darn Special Forces."

  • Mack Missiletoe

    You should see the wife's kitchen.

  • Mack Missiletoe

    "Does my gun look like a toy now? How about now? Awww…"

  • Mack Missiletoe

    Did somebody mention Donuts?

  • Mack Missiletoe

    Yes… they too were labeled 'Tactical'

  • Mike K. Calgary

    Everyone was terrified they would go ass over teakettle on the ice.

  • Mack Missiletoe

    The Beijing Donut Convention 2012
    "First 100 get in free"

  • Mack Missiletoe

    Above nature's call, at a Donut Convention near you.

  • Mack Missiletoe

    Cool! I didn't know these things had reverse!

  • Mack Missiletoe

    "It all happened so fast!"

  • Mack Missiletoe

    Local Police Department Upgrades Equipment after Major Drug Bust
    Citizens want answers

  • Mack Missiletoe

    "Tactical Sells"

  • Mike K. Calgary

    I look more like you than you do.

  • Mike K. Calgary

    I wish that Terra Cotta sculpturer would step it up a bit. I don't know if I can hold this position for another three weeks.

  • Eric

    In an attempt for mall guards to be taken more seriously…

  • Russell Anderson

    Weebles wobble but they don't fall down…

  • miporboy

    it's the obama care police,you didnt pay your health insurance bill

  • Stephen Malm

    Officer Chung's kids tell their friends that their dad is a lawyer, just to avoid the embarrassment.

  • Nosfer6

    The Mattel enforcement brigade, batteries not included.

  • double tap tommy

    Ready, aim, SCOOT!!!!!!

  • Steve

    They'll never hear us coming.

  • double tap tommy

    Beijing's new SQAT Team. Segways- Questionable-Affectiveness-Tactics

  • Chris

    This can't be good. Somebody is about to have a really bad day!

  • double tap tommy

    Tank commander Ling was overjoyed to be transferred to the segway division. Segways are much easier to steer around protesters!

  • Jeff

    Gotta watch out for the recoil!

  • Witty1

    ‎"Im telling you Dude, these stupid things are why we took so long to get Bin Laden!!!"

  • double tap tommy

    The people of beijing thought the new segway police were so hilarious they couldn't stop laughing, just not out loud where they could be heard.

  • Joe Hutton

    Armed Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!

  • @HvdMerwe

    Be afraid, very afraid. The UN’s Arms Trade Treaty enforcement squad in training….
    -Annan… Kofi Annan

  • double tap tommy

    It's all clear now why China let us amass so much debt, they were after our Segways.

  • double tap tommy

    Confucius say: "man who has a wheel for a shoe, has to wait to take a poo!"

  • double tap tommy

    The Beijing Police Chief in his zealious attempt to follow Master Sun Tzu teachings who said "if you are strong, appear weak…" was angered that the children had not finnished the new pink uniforms yet.

  • Darryl

    Is this part of the United Nations soon to be attempt to enforce the small arms treaty in America?

  • double tap tommy

    Most people missed the the 2008 Olympics exhibition sport of Synchronized Dorking!

  • Darryl

    Can't we all just get along little dogie?

  • Shaun Mehr

    After drinking excessively, this gang of mall cops decide to storm the half yearly sale without peeing first.

  • Jane

    Hey dude, when they asked for volunteers to do this gig on two wheels I was thinking Harleys. We look like ninja metermaids.

  • Stephen Malm

    Battle scene from the new Steven Seagal movie, "Loss of Dignity".

    • double tap tommy

      That was actually pretty funny, that hoodie must be keeping your brain warm:)

  • Stephen Malm

    The troops always kept their carbines up since watching Officer Wing-Fat do a face plant.

  • ke pauley

    Chinese Olympic Shooting Team practice for opening ceremonies

  • Stephen Malm

    Chuck Norris hurt himself laughing at this.

    • Billjr.

      Chunk Norris can't be hurt!

      • Stephen Malm

        That is the great paradox. Chuck Norris can hurt anything, but Chuck Norris can't be hurt, but Chuck Norris can hurt anything, but ………

  • woodchuckwacker666

    The "Wheels of Oppession" go round and round, we will run your a.. right into the ground, if you see us coming don't fart or made a sound, because we own this stinking town! Ah-So!

  • J. McPhail


  • Jarod


  • chris

    Casting has begun for the role of Number 5 in the long awaited sequel to the Steve Guttenberg classic, "Short Circuit".

  • wasr30

    Taking target shooting to a whole new level. Mobil Shooting

  • Fini

    You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd……..

  • Fritz Huls

    Segue to Cops on motorcycles, oops.

  • Mike Posey

    Begun the clone wars has.

  • Walt Sved

    I hope the bad guys don't decide to escape on the beach.

  • SP84

    And who said running with scissors was dangerous.

  • Chicago Skinny

    I know money is tight; but, come on, this is reeedickuulassssss !!!!

  • Frank

    Make room for the new battle droids!

  • slade74

    You saw Mall Cop. We MUST be ready!

  • porkchop6209

    Tonight, On Seg Patrol…………..

  • CSluder

    Looks like Mall of America is beefing up security for this year's black firday!
    I think it's safe to say, "this is one job being out sourced over seas, that Im ok with!"
    "they can have this one!"

  • B.Mc

    Why couldn't they just give us our horses back

  • Csluder

    Do they really need those goggles….. Those things go what, 4 maybe 5mph tops?

  • Cameron Sluder

    Fire watch at the senior center has gone overboard!

  • Roc

    The politically correct and green friendly swat team goes thru it's drills.

  • Cameron Sluder

    At least there are no turn signals on these things…seriously you know they would never turn them off!!

  • Mark S.

    Preparations for possible terrorist attacks by scooter chairs. Your Homeland Security is ready for any contingency.

  • Steve Farrington

    And as the bank rtobbers sped off in their Ferrari, the San Francisco Police Department realized they should rethink their choice of green vehicles.

  • connor

    alright men we have to defend our country even with the budget cuts

  • Robert Keith Ando

    Resistance is futile ! (Segue to Segway)

  • ARsrule

    Wonder if I click my heel's three times if I can get the heck out of here

  • Woob

    Well armed bowling pins.

  • Andrew

    Brings new meaning to the phrase "ROLL OUT!"

  • Mike

    It's hard to steer with my elbows .

  • remo34

    British Leyland Fight Back!

  • Todd Zitzman

    The Geek Squad looks to be rebelling after all the job cuts made by Best Buy.

  • Shaun Mehr

    Chinese airport police issue the following warning as they approach a vehicle parked in the white zone, "the white is for loading and unloading passengers…YOU GO NOW!"

  • Bull

    Consumer Theft Down 98%

  • Kyle Meier

    Bill gates needed a politicaly correct "green" security force.

  • Dale

    Bushido Code to Nintendo Mode, Japan retrains its soldiers.

  • Rob229

    "Californias law enforcement once again gets hit with budget cuts"

  • Ram_rod

    If the Dem's raised an army…

  • DJL

    If you run, youll just die tired.

  • Csluder

    Don't think they were expecting this, when told they were rolling over their
    retirement packages!

  • Joe Brown

    Quick!!! Up the stairs!

  • Joe Brown

    We all must fear the threat of China's growing power and the screaming horde of…. Segway riders?

  • BobbyBobBob

    Bob didn't mind that he had to give up his feet to join the unit but he was really bothered by the lack of bathroom breaks.

  • Duke

    I knew hiring the Mall Ninja for some tactical training and new SOPs was a bad call…

  • rajnikanth

    dont move v r coming fast…….

  • Santiago Garcia

    There shooting at us! Everybody duck!

  • Stephen Malm

    The remake of "Cherry Blossom Squadron – The Kamikaze's of Pearl Harbor" lost something in the interpretation.

  • roy gooden

    The Zombie Police on segways

  • Stephen Malm

    During the Beijing war games, each soldier will take-out his opponents until only the final two remain – one from column "A" and one from column "B".

  • Stephen Malm

    This maneuver used to be called the Peking Duck. :-)

  • Stephen Malm

    The SWAT team responded to daily reports of someone held prisoner in a Chinese fortune cookie factory.

  • luke fontenot

    So Much for “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”

  • Conrad

    This is what happened when our leader cut defense spending!

  • Rusty

    This is why they lose wars

  • Conrad

    Modern day cavalry charge.

  • Nosfer6

    How come Lee in the back there always gets to carry the cool gun? All we get are these dinky pellet guns!

  • Chris Stigall

    I hope these terrorists go away soon…I REALLY have to pee! (Yeah, me, too! And me!! Me., too….

  • Chris Stigall

    Excuse us…could you direct us to the Portapottys???

  • Chris Stigall

    Between the rain, the bumpy ride, and bad guys with guns, I REALLY gotta go! (So do I!…Me, too!…My bladder's about to explode!!!….)

  • Chris Stigall

    This looked a lot cooler when Paul Blart did it…

  • Chris Stigall

    Why the hell did we ever decide to use Mall Cop as a training film???

  • Chris Stigall

    …and ultimately, only Wan Fang was able to retain control of his bladder, and therefore rose to the position of Party Chairman…

  • Andy

    GO GO gadget unit.

  • Tony Archuleta

    Your nation needs you! Do you have what it takes to Join the Green Police? – Comrade President Obama

  • Penguin Prince

    Keep laughing… I'm reloading.

  • Dave

    Replacements for the Crown Vic's.

  • Jim Davis

    Here comes the UN, to get all the GUNS.

  • Ryan

    China's army of one…

  • Nosfer6

    aim for the duck, aim for the duck, you get 5000 points!

  • Gabriel pelletier

    When there somethin strange in the neiborhood who u gonna call? Segway squad!

  • jim farly

    damn, thats where my watergun went, and let me guess, those are cheap plastic chinease copies of the segway, get ur own ideas china. ( disclaimer) i love the chinease but they steal to much

  • J Michael

    The police department put on an exhibition today of a SWAT team made up of disabled officers.

  • Mike Dixon

    Damn, Garland Greene's kids are on the loose again.

  • Ben

    Look out. The lemmings are pissed!

  • Greg

    Rolling.. Rolling..Rolling Keep this thing a Rolling……RAWHIDE !!!

  • Jesse

    Anyone want to tell these guys what the first and last rules of firearm safety are.

    The NRA.
    Keeping Americans form accidentally shooting each other since 1871!

  • Tom

    Geez. Doesn't anybody just WALK a "Beat" anymore?

  • Frank G

    Your grandfarther had his version of Hot Wheels …………………… We now have ours. And it's green to boot!

  • Frank G in Tennessee

    If they have "wheelie bars" I would like to send a round down range with a Barret 50!

  • noxumbra

    "Okay men, the Americans won't take us seriously. The fools shall be begging for mercy soon enough"

  • Caddoman

    Watch how far I roll backwards with THIS shot!!

  • Vyshagan Amuthan

    The Scooter Shooters

  • Ocho87

    We'll be coming around the mountin when we shot
    We'll be coming around the mountin when we shot.
    We be riding are little wheels when we shot.

  • John

    I'm going to beat ya!

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